Here's to nothing.

I haven't been on Xanga since about the summertime.
& I miss all of you ladies, SO much.

I have maintained all of the weight I lost, I'm not sure how, because I've been eating whatever I want for the last two months. But I guess soccer is keeping me in shape. I am a bit dissapointed that I haven't lost anymore weight, especially with Homecoming coming up in a less than two weeks. But I'm alright with what I have in life right now.
My boyfriend, Clay, and I are back together, and we're stronger than ever. He is my rock and he's the reason why I can now feel alright about myself and my body with constant purging. I realized loving someone else has in turn helped me to love myself.

Focusing more on the positive things in life, soccer, friends, my boyfriend. Has taken all of the worry and pressure off of trying to achieve the perfect body. My body is my temple and it's finally getting the respect it deserves. I'd love to hear about the progress you girls have made since I've last talked to you, so please try to keep in touch ( :

I love & miss you all terribly, and I will try to update more.
I no longer count calories incessantly, but I still have struggles, and Xanga has always helped with venting.

Day 39. Ballsballsballs.

I'm not really going to do a post about what I ate or anything today simply because I have like no time. But if you're interesting in what's been going on then by all means, read on. I apologize if it gets a little lengthy : o I've got a lot on my mind. I'll try to keep my two main problems organized.




Foood.
I've been doing awful ! The last two days have been a continious cycle of binge and purge, I seem to have zero self-control when it comes to being around my friends. Yesterday me and my friend went on a 5 mile rollerskating little trip, and what did we do ? We got ice cream ! Muy terrible : ( I feel myself getting pudgy again and I feel bloated and chunky. So right now I'm in full weight-loss mode. Whatever that means or whatever it takes, I'm gonna freaking dooo it.




Oh boy.
Well in about 2 hours I'm supposed to go to this county fair with Clay. Right now, and for the last 5 months Clay and me have been good friends, a little flirty, but just friends. The thing is, previous to that five months Clay was my boyfriend of 9 months. I can honestly say he was the first person I've ever really loved, that was until he cheated on me and had sex with some freshman. He's never stopped loving me, and he's never stopped trying to get back together with me. Nobody can make me feel the way he does, and nobody can make me laugh the way he can. I know I'll always love him, and I could never hate him, despite of what he's done to me, the question is, how much longer will it be before I cave and let myself get back together with him. I probably would've gotten back with him a while ago if most of his freetime didn't revolve around drinking and causing shit with his friends. He says he's changed and grown up. I know he's grown up, but I'm not sure if he's changed.

Do this !

Hey ladies !

Ask me questions. Any questions you can think of.
Stupid, funny, serious, ridiculous. I'll leave this post up for about 2 or 3 days and then answer all of the questions in one video blog.
So don't get upset if I don't answer your question on here. Just wait until I post the video to get the response.

Ask away !

Day 38 (measurements!)

(11:26 am)
Okaay : ) So I doubt I'll be home today even though the weather is absolutely disgusting out, I'll probably find some way to entertain myself. I don't think I'm going to workout because I plan on staying pretty active throughout the day. Even if I can't update on what I eat I will make sure to put it into my phone so I remember exactly what and when it was and then I'll post it tomorrow. I also did my measurement checks this morning and lost almost everywhere in the last week :D You can compare the numbers to the ones on the side. Or just compare my starting measurements with my current measurements. Weigh in tomorrow, fuck the number. I look better. Have a fantastic day !

Bust : 34
Waist : 26
Hips : 36.5
Thigh : 21.5
Calf : 14
Arm : 11

9:00 am : Maple Organic Oatmeal : +180
11:20 : Odds and ends : +120
1:10 : Coffee with cream and sugar : +50
3:30 : Coffee with cream and sugar : +50
6:20 pm : Small ice cream cone : +250

Total : +650

Roller skating 5.5 miles/2 hours : -680

Total : -680

Grand Total so far : -30/800 calories

SUMMER THINSPO ! <3

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^ I absolutely lalalalove this !
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Day 37 (big thinspo post!)

(10: 37 am)
I don't know why I keep waking up sooo early, but I guess it's better for my body that way. I have soccer for the last time this week tonight and I know I'm supposed to be working out 6-7 days a week now, but I don't see how that's going to be possible when my feet feel like they're falling off. I don't know what's wrong with them but the pain in them is absolutely unbearable. Also things with my parents are getting to be worse then ever. They're both stressed and miserable and they are seriously some of the genuinely meanest people I've ever known. They don't have basic human interaction skills much less parenting skills. I don't know what to do, I just need to get better and get away. Hope you girls are doing better than I am <3

10:15 am : Banana (85) and small glass of milk (50) : +135
12:00 pm : Sausage and macaroni stuff my parents made yesterday : +220
1:50 pm : Coffee (50) fat free vanilla pudding (50) : +100
4:15 pm : Carrots (25) bell peppers (20) and cucumbers (10) with light ranch (100) : +155
4:45 : 1 Jolly Rancher (23) and 1 Now & Later (17) : +40
9:15 pm : Apple : +60

Total : +710
Yay ! Way under :D And I ate great. Success.

( planned ) : 2 hour soccer practice : -860
Walked the dog for a mile : -90

Total : -950

Grand Total so far : -240/850 calories

I promised you ladies a big thinspo post and here it is : )
This time I tried to steer away from the steryotypical "pretty" girls and focused more on the edgy and vintagey vibe that I find absolutely gorgeous. Let me know what you think and of any favorites you have !